If you feel suicidal or feel like killing someone else, I strongly suggest you get your thoughts out in the open, talk about them or write them down, so it’s not just a deep dark festering secret going round and round inside of you. Suicide is a very black and white way of looking at life, self mutilation too, they are very temporary ways of relieving or accessing the pain. There are a million colours between black and white and with each colour is actually another pathway to your destiny, you can always find another way if you look for it. Always make your life changing decisions when you are in your centre. Let the emotions pass, let them settle before taking any strong action. It’s a temporary state being away from our centre, we wobble but we can bounce back, all of us, given time.
I had a suicidal thought once, it was strong, like an urge, I felt like driving my van, really fast into a high stone wall, do you think that would have helped me with how I felt at the time? We are never rational when we think of suicide, if we were we would choose a more effective way out, less hassle to everyone around and painless too, hopefully. Hanging is a popular way out with my friends, but I think it’s because it is glamourised as fast and effective in films, in reality it takes 3 minutes for the brain to stop performing it’s functions, that’s quite a long time to be hanging around helpless and in pain.
I recommend staying open to life, it’s always full of nice surprises waiting round the corner, if you can be patient that is. Think about all those amazing people, places and experiences you have already lived through, you don’t want to miss out on more of that. You can never imagine it because it all belongs to the mystery which is still the future. Death does not solve anything and it is much easier to complete your mission in life when you are alive. If you get really desperate then dedicate whats left of your life to helping other people, they really like that and it will give you a new sense of self worth.