The following article is about sharing my route out of grief and going towards emotional liberation, it is written from my personal experience.

I think emotional expression is about our whole lives and experiencing fully whats really going on, when we stop regularly to take stock of it all. The abundance we hope for and the reality of our grief that can overwhelm our everyday life if we let it. Unresolved emotions can get in the way of us getting what we really need out of life, which is our joy of life, in what ever form that may be, to each, individual one of us. Life, if lived in accordance to certain rules of self discipline and common sense, can be a constant celebration that never needs to end and a gracious, open, loving heart can maintain a light energy as you tread your path through it.

Even during severe suffering there is peace and light, suffering doesn’t have to be perceived as a bad thing, just a way to learn a certain lesson. When we are taking satisfaction and comfort in feelings that are from our heaviness and negativity, we are stopping the infinite magic that is waiting to come into our lives. We don’t have to make our lives on earth a living hell, heaven is always waiting there for us, ready any time we are. Take responsibility as co-creator of your life now, start recognising and eliminating the old patterns that do not serve you anymore, make space for the good things in life, love, truth, justice and liberty, which, by the way, are the only things worth fighting for.

Our emotional centre was explained to me like this, by a guy named Shiv. Imagine if you have a piece of string inside your body hanging from the top of your head to your feet. There are lots of things that can take us away from our centre or piece of string, be it drugs, alcohol or shocking experiences. We then need to find our way back to our piece of string, because that is where we truly belong. Alas sometimes we stray too far away from it and, “go off the rails”, as they say and can’t find our way back.

Keep to your centre at all times if possible, especially when others are not, do not let anyone bring you down, they need you to be level headed, to bring them back again, don’t go down to their level to get them, bring them up to meet yours, it helps no one if everyone is loosing the plot. Stay strong when you are in your centre, find a thought that helps you stay there, if you need to. I think about something that makes me feel good, like upholstering a sofa that I know, I will never actually get round to doing, but I can still imagine that or something else that gives me a positive focus.

My centre, or near as it, that I can get to it, for me, gives me a nuetral, pleasantly alert, happy to be alive type of feeling. Anything other than that for me, means I’m not on my centre, which means I’m in my stuff and need to deal with it. I never allow myself to get too excited or high or too depressed and low, keeping the emotions level means we avoid mood swings.

I think we could have emotional studies as a subject taught in school, along side combined science and sex education, in there with human biology maybe? What do you think? I suppressed my emotions really well for years, “thick skinned” they called me, “happy go lucky”, nothing seemed to effect or touch me and then one day I exploded, which hurt everyone around me.

I just had no idea, I didn’t even know what a feeling was, no one taught me how to process my emotions, so I just ignored them. In the past, I was covered in a skin disease called psoriasis, as my emotions found an outlet all by themselves. “Just look at your emotions”, one helpful friend said to me but it was not a clear enough explanation for me, especially when I was stuck in the middle of experiencing them and couldn’t even see myself in it, at all. I was drowning in them, smoking and eating lots to keep them down and blaming everyone that let me.

The first time I successfully started dealing with my emotions, was by trying to remember the first time I had felt a particular emotion, this really helped me because I realised I had never quite let go of the initial feeling of when it first occurred years before, I was still hanging onto the feeling from such an old experience, where was the justice? I was hurt, It wasn’t my fault, I realised one of my strongest spiritual beliefs through this, that “it doesn’t matter”, nothing really matters that much, so why get so miffed about stuff. So after that, in effect, I stopped attracting situations where that emotion would normally surface again because it was released and thus my behaviour is different now. I then started to try to see all my emotions with their different characteristics, asking them when they arise, if it has a name? Or noticing if my personality changes along with it, so much that I deserve a new name too, like Poor Lady or Angry Young Woman. I got to know my emotions, they have a name, colour, shape or texture or a place I feel it inside my body. I ask it, “what is the worst of it?” I listen for an answer, keeping in my body and asking again, as it may shift around a bit. I listen to it all. Feel it, in other words, get to know it and myself in the process, and what is best way to deal with it. Now days, when I’m in my stuff, I take myself away from people, stay on my own, until it passes, when I have thought, listened and taken responsibility enough for it by looking for what I can do or could have done better.

If you feel suicidal or feel like killing someone else, I strongly suggest you get your thoughts out in the open, talk about them or write them down, so it’s not just a deep dark festering secret going round and round inside of you. Suicide is a very black and white way of looking at life, self mutilation too, they are very temporary ways of relieving or accessing the pain. There are a million colours between black and white and with each colour is actually another pathway to your destiny, you can always find another way if you look for it. Always make your life changing decisions when you are in your centre. Let the emotions pass, let them settle before taking any strong action. It’s a temporary state being away from our centre, we wobble but we can bounce back, all of us, given time.

I had a suicidal thought once, it was strong, like an urge, I felt like driving my van, really fast into a high stone wall, do you think that would have helped me with how I felt at the time? We are never rational when we think of suicide, if we were we would choose a more effective way out, less hassle to everyone around and painless too, hopefully. Hanging is a popular way out with my friends, but I think it’s because it is glamourised as fast and effective in films, in reality it takes 3 minutes for the brain to stop performing it’s functions, that’s quite a long time to be hanging around helpless and in pain.

I recommend staying open to life, it’s always full of nice surprises waiting round the corner, if you can be patient that is. Think about all those amazing people, places and experiences you have already lived through, you don’t want to miss out on more of that. You can never imagine it because it all belongs to the mystery which is still the future. Death does not solve anything and it is much easier to complete your mission in life when you are alive. If you get really desperate then dedicate whats left of your life to helping other people, they really like that and it will give you a new sense of self worth.

Hitting rock bottom and then sinking just that bit lower. We as people sometimes need to do this, in order to process change, pain is our measure of resistance to change. I think in order to really appreciate the good times we sometimes need to take ourselves to our absolute polar opposite limit and beyond. It takes courage to come out of our pit of despair and face the world again because really it’s a very selfish place to be and doesn’t help anyone, least of all ourselves, but shit happens and we find ourselves there once in a while, feeding the black hole that can never be filled, being an energy vampire even though we don’t mean to be.

We cling to what we know, our emotions get stuck in one groove, something ghastly happens and we go for the death routine, catatonia or worst nightmare scenario again and again attracting this cycle of victim, poor me and more events that justify our mood swing. We can become addicted to our negative emotional cycles because we know them so well and feel safe in their release and enjoy the deep satisfaction that we are not giving ourselves from positive experiences. Like small children we are still screaming to get what we want and then protesting when we don’t get it. We make new worse experiences and end up living a life on the edge, because we have not yet learnt to live in the light and maintain it!

So next time our life is dealt a crappy hand watch out, be aware, if you see or feel the hole looming in front of you with all the trappings of all the other shit things that have happened all piled up in it. Know what is there and how much further in, you can dig yourself, basically feeling so bad or rotten, hurt, upset, angry, spitting venom or maybe panting in a panicky way, you know the score but lets just breathe deeply and slowly and look at the hole, study it for a bit, go round it but simply refuse to enter it. Let something else happen instead.

So what happens if we decide not to fall into the pit of despair? What else could happen? Something will if you give it space. Lets just do something different, for a change then, shall we?

Be conscious of the next wave of emotion that takes you, own it as a special part of you. See it as a unique feeling, so why treat it the same as all the other feelings? Give it some space with no expectations, to be what it is gonna be. Be still, think only of the incident that has triggered the emotion, put the rest to one side for now, by turning off the radio in your mind that’s playing your old worries. Instead lets listen to your stories one at a time, so you can hear all the other noises you are making. Feel the rage wash through you instead of breaking something. Observe how it feels on your skin, write down your darkest thoughts, go inside and feel how this emotion effects your body, is there any sensation? I get a mustard type rush coming out through my eyes and nose just before my tears break free.

Are there any nuggets of information in there, what will it show you? Be brutally honest with your self, is it that bad? Or is it far worse than you ever realised? Crying is good for the soul, don’t let anyone try to stop the tears and if you find someone else crying, encourage them to cry more.

When I experience my emotions fully, they have no reason to linger on for hours or weeks or months any more and most of all I’m optimistic that this emotional wave will pass and it always does if you let it, because it takes a lot of energy to stay in the dark.

When my life was unbearable, I went to see a homeopath who helped me open the can of worms, which up until then controlled my way of life. After which I became an emotional wreck as my hard exterior failed me, I had a tidal wave of grief to experience before me, it took years to get up to date with all the things I had buried but the new direction my life took left me more space to be my old self again, I started to like me, even to love myself for the first time. That is why I’m writing this, because I want to share my experience so you can take an easier way through life by learning this skill of processing emotions. Now when an emotion hits me square between the cheeks I go headlong into it and breathe it in and go with the trip right up til the end, until I’m happy again and back on my center, if not a little wiser and stronger for riding that wave. If I can do it, so can you, free yourself up to enjoy life a bit more. I feel resilient now to what life gives me to deal with, it doesn’t knock me for six anymore, because I’ve dealt with my back log and I’m still standing.

Treatments I can whole heartedly recommend that I’ve found helpful to facilitate  and support you facing your emotions is; a bloody good friend or group of friends, so you can spread the load, homeopathy, kinesiology, crystal healing, flower essences and cranial sacral osteopathy. I know there are loads of others out there too including all the self help books, these are just the ones I have personal experience of and found extremely effective. Just being prepared to talk about your stuff is a start, I find once I open my mouth to people I trust, whether I’ve ever met them before or not, I find it all starts flowing out, I don’t even have to think about what it is I’m going to say and I listen to myself along with my witness.

Once we have stopped our emotions dominating or ruining our lives and we have a grip on reality and we are feeling emotionally stable, we can stride on through life, taking back the controls, taking a big bite out of the cake that is life. Knowing we can cope with what ever the universe throws at us next and you know it will. It’s like being in goal, get ready for the next ball, it’s sure to come but rest assured the universe never gives you more than you can handle and if it does seem to, get it off your chest quickly as you go along, ask for and accept help, cry out loud, start wailing and let go of it all whilst taking care not to over indulge in your emotions, stop when you are happy again. You can actually trust life.

I have my own method of letting go, especially if it is a person, as it always seems to be our nearest and dearest that bring up our most powerful emotions. I feel the love (if appropiate) for them, I take myself back to the feeling by thinking about it deeply and I say, “I love you, thank you and goodbye”, over and over to release them and me. It’s nice to feel free instead of needy or clingy and give others that freedom too. It also gives them more space if they do want to join with you again in a fresh way. If I find myself really hating someone, I imagine them in a shroud of love from me and I keep sending them love until the situation sorts itself out. That works, because the very act of loving someone you hate, shifts the energy.

I like to keep the toilet lid closed as part of my feng shui reasoning that I picked up from one of Karen Kingston’s book on the subject, she says “don’t let your wealth flow down the pan”, I say, “keep the fun in your space”. When you know happiness is a normal state, start to keep it that way. How long can you maintain happiness before creating a negative emotional outburst? Think about it. Taking it that, we are co creators of our universe. I am exercising my will for complete uninterrupted happiness, it remains with me now even when I cry, crying is a joy for me, releasing the feelings as they occur. I say what I feel as soon as I realise something is not sitting right with me. Maintaining my heaven on earth is my goal, keeping it fresh and positive, honouring my gifts and giving them. Stuff still hurts but I don’t associate my hurt with a sadness anymore, I just try to accept that everything is as it is meant to be.

Take responsibility for your feelings. Always look and see if there is something you can do to help your situation, or think about it from the bigger picture to give your self another perspective. The bigger picture is when you look at life from a bird eye view, taking in the greater scheme of things from above, another perspective can be from upside down, hanging or a head stand, look at how your actions effect what is going on around you and where your life is heading.

As we begin to accept the things we cannot change, we stop blaming others, we own our anger, depression, denial and acceptance, which are the four stages of greif, that can happen in any order. Other people just trigger our emotions it’s not their fault. For further study I recommend taking a look at the NVC website about nonviolent communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. He explains it all really well and in depth, why no one can make us feel anything and showing us an awareness of what gets in the way of natural giving and receiving.